Great Beer Quotes

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

-- Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

-- Ernest Hemingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

-- Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

-- Plato

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.

-- Benjamin Franklin

The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.

-- old Russian proverb.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

-- Catherine Zandonella

I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.

--William Shakespeare, 'King Henry V.'

Back and side go bare, go bare,
Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
Whether it be new or old.

--Bishop Still (John)

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

-- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

-- Winston Churchill's reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

-- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

-- Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

-- Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

-- Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

-- Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

-- Dave Barry

People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

-- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chambers of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts--queerest fancies,
Come to life and fade away:
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.

--Edgar Allan Poe

For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.

-- William Shakespeare, 'A Winter's Tale.'

Whiskey's to rough,
Champagne costs to much,
Vodka puts my mouth in gear.
I hope this refrain,
Will help me explain,
As a matter of fact,
I like beer.

--Tom T. Hall

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

-- Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

-- Homer Simpson

To alchohol, the cause of and solution to, all life's problems.

--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

-- Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.

-- George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.

-- Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.

-- Ernest Hemmingway, 'For Whom the Bell Tolls.'

And little Sir John with his nut brown bowl
And his brandy in the glass
And little Sir John with his nut brown bowl
Proved the strongest man at last . . .

-- H. Gorson (1607-1641), last verse of the song 'John Barleycorn.'

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

--Miguel De Cervantes

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.

--W.C. Fields

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

--W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

--W.C. Fields

Candy,
Is dandy,
But Liquor,
Is quicker.

-- Ogden Nash

Drunkenness . . . is temporary suicide.

-- Bertrand Russell

I often sit back and think, "I wish I’d done that," and find out later that I already have.

-- Richard Harris

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk;
The best of life is but intoxication.

-- Lord Byron

Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think.

-- A. E. Housman

It is not I who become addicted, it is my body.

-- Jean Cocteau

All sin tends to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is what is called damnation.

-- W. H. Auden

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

--Ambrose Bierce 

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as a drink.

-- G.K. Chesterton

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.

--William Butler Yeats

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

--Henry Lawson

O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass!
Names that should be on every infant's tongue.

-- C.V Calverley

'Did you ever taste beer?'
'I had a sip of it once,' said the small servant.
'Here's a state of things!' cried Mr. Swiveller . . .
'She never tasted it -- it can't be tasted in a sip!'

-- Charles Dickens, 'Ye Olde Curiosity Shop.'

Hermit hoar, in solemn cell,
Wearing out life's evening gray;
Smite thy bosom, sage, and tell,
What is bliss, and which the way?
Thus I spoke; and speaking sigh'ed;
-- Scarce repressed a starting tear;--
When the smiling sage reply'd --
-- Come, my lad, and drink some beer."

-- Samuel Johnson

Oh moonshine, oh moonshine
Oh how I love thee
You killed me dear father
But dare you kill me
I'll eat when I'm hungry
I'll drink when I'm dry
And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die.

-- Anon

Doth it not show viley in me to desire small beer?

-- William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV.'

Life ain't all beer and skittles, and more's the pity.

-- George DuMaurier

When people drink, then they are successful and win lawsuits are are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of cider, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

-- Aristophanes, 424 B.C.

Lo! the poor topper whose untutor'd sense,
Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense;
Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer,
Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.

-- George Crabbe

Oh I have been to Ludlow fair
And left my necktie God knows where,
And carried half way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:
Then the world seemed none so bad,
And I myself a sterling lad;
And down in lovely muck I've lain,
Happy -- till I woke up again.

-- A.E. Housman

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

--Mark Twain

Gott erfand das Bier damit auch die häßlichen Mädchen hin und wieder gebumst werden.

-- German saying

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Forever and ever,
Barmen.

-Anon

You foam within our glasses, you lusty golden brew, whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises; here's to beer, here's to cheer, here's to beer.

-- A toast in Bedrich Smetana's 1866 opera 'The Bartered Bride'

If all be true that I do think,
There are five reasons we should drink:
Good beer -- a friend -- or being dry --
Or lest we should be by and by --
Or any other reason why.

-- Henry Aldrich

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

--Humphrey Bogart 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

-- Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

-- Homer Simpson

I don't drink water, fish fuck in it.

-- Oscar Wilde

"I pity people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's the best they feel all day" - Frank Sinatra

"Being half drunk is just another way of saying 'your almost there'" - Jarrod Conway, Brisbane, Australia

reality is an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!" (chugs beer) --Homer Simpson

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for DaddIES, and kids with fake ID's." "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

NO POINT IN STEERING NOW!!

"Reality is just an illusion, brought on by an alcohol difficency. written by Roy Cameron" - Jared Conway

"We're making the world a better place to drink: one beer at a time." - Joe Gural

"Cold War bad. Cold BEER good" ~unknown~

"In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria." - German proverb

"I don't have a drinking problem so much as I have a drinking solution" -Anonymous

The blood is now running through my alcohol stream.

Some people see the glass half-empty. some people see the glass half full. I say it's beer man, just drink it!

There's nothing like a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning -homer simpson

Why is it that when you drink seven nights a week in college you are a partier, and after that you are a alcoholic?

"Beer is good; drink it." --Anon.

There are many good reasons for drinking,One has just entered my head. If a man doesn't drink when he's living, How the hell can he drink when he's dead?

A wise man once said " Never mix beer and hard liquor.... unless you've only got one glass"